Monday, July 17, 2006

The shit heard 'round the world

I was watching Headline News this morning to see what was going on in the Middle East, and I was embarrassed to hear an uncensored clip of a conversation between George W. Bush and Prime Minister Blair at the G-8 summit.

Bush said, “see the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over”

First of all, who is "they"? The leaders of the free world? Uh, that would be you, Mr. President.

The other day, he was up there with German Chancellor Angela Merkel at a G-8 press conference and all he could do was keep talking about how he was looking forward to dinner, and "slicing up the pig". A reporter asked him a very serious question about violence in the Middle East, and the standoff in Iran, and Bush said, "I thought you were going to ask about the pig!" Ha ha ha! He's up there doing schtick. What a hayseed.

But wait. The embarrassment didn't end there. At the dinner event, Bush felt compelled to sneak up behind Chancellor Merkel and give her a quick massage. Merkel is a woman of power and Bush finds that kind of exciting. So he makes his move, but he does it in a kind of distracted way, because if he's shot down, he can pretend it never really happened. And boy, did he get SHOT down. She threw up her arms like a move that she learned in a date rape class. Like, "Get your hands OFF me, you filthy manimal!" I have never seen such a look of contempt and disgust on a woman's face. But the real beauty of it was the Forrest Gump look on Bush's face right afterward. "Stupid is as stupid does." It's a new low for him. I think you could find a more intelligent, mature person at a junior high kegger. This is our President, people, and the whole world is laughing at us.

Here's the thing, there is so much shit happening in the world, but Bush passed decency legislation to increase the fines to $325,000 per person, per incident, even if a listener says a "bad word" that slips by the dump button by mistake. No one can afford that. That’s almost a year’s salary for the President of the United States! During the short 90 days congress is in session, they are busy with the decency bill, and anti-gay marriage amendment, anti-brown people bills, and anti-flag burning amendments. The whole world is burning, and this idiot wants a flag burning amendment. It's O.K. when he says shit, but when anyone else does it, they get a fine. Meanwhile the whole world is in the toilet.

You know the legend of King Midas? Everything he touched turned to gold? Bush is the anti-Midas. Everything he touches turns to shit - health care, the environment, the economy, the military, the gulf coast. He has even turned religion into shit by hijacking Jesus into the Republican Party. Now Jesus is pro-war, pro-rich, and pro-Republican!

Here's what I think the punishment should be: every time the President swears, he should put a hundred billion dollars in the swear jar - that way we could pay for the war he started. MSNBC should pay more too, because the hate that comes out of Headline News’ Glenn Beck’s mouth is way more obscene than “shit”.

Maybe if we complain enough, we can get the FCC to do something about this.

You can contact the FCC at the their website,, and fill out the FCC Form 475B, the Obscene, Profane, and/or Indecent Material Complaint Form. Tell them when, (aprox. 9:00am et) where (HNN), and what the President said, (see transcript above) how it wasn’t bleeped, and how the transcript was right on the screen spelled out so you could read it. Then you say something like “My nine year old is now running around saying ‘shit, shit, shit’, and when I tell him to stop, he says, ‘If the President can say shit, then so can I.’”

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